How to become a patient and fun mom

Do you often catch yourself losing patience with your child? Do you get worked up and annoyed by the smallest things? If this causes you to act without thinking or speaking harshly, this can create a lot of guilt for you as a mom, and tension in your family.

When you do get worked up, it may sometimes feel like a burning rage inside of you, or just feeling angry at something which previously wouldn’t have mattered. You may also find yourself raising your voice at your child or even screaming at them.

This may make you feel like a bad mom, or that you are broken somehow. Especially if you had such high expectations of yourself as a parent that your current reality makes you feel ashamed and sad.

I know your sadness momma. I know that you sometimes cry from utter frustration and overwhelm.

I also know that you might not share this with anyone. Everyone else seems to have it all together, but you feel like some days things are barely hanging by a thread.

Let me assure you, most moms have been where you are at some point. They may never tell another mother this, for fear of being judged or berated, which is why emotional health challenges like this are such dark ‘secrets’ in families and societies.

I’ve shared a bit about my own journey through this, you can read about it HERE.

In this article, I’d love to share with you some changes and habits you can start working on right away to overcome this, so you can be a more patient, fun, and joyful mom.

4 Tips to overcome impatience, irritability, anger, and the resulting mom guilt

Mother comforting sad daughter

Take a life inventory

Assess how you are feeling right now. What emotions or needs of yours are not being met? Please know that your needs are just as important as any other member of the family. I know it is very common, and even encouraged, for moms to neglect themselves in favor of tending to and giving to their children or others who seem more vulnerable.

I have seen in many moms who struggle with anger and irritability, one common factor was them not feeling emotionally fulfilled.

Some examples/signs of this are:

  • They don’t get to invest time and energy in something they are passionate about
  • They don’t regularly do something creative or challenging
  • They don’t feel that their energy, time, gifts, and personhood is important and adds value to others in a meaningful way
  • They don’t have a close friendship with a likeminded woman or older/more experienced mentor
  • They do not feel safe, loved, secure, recognized, and valued in their marriage

Besides your emotional health, spiritual and physical health are also incredibly important. These areas also need to be assessed and addressed if shortcomings are noted. Rate how confident and satisfied you are with the connection and relationship you enjoy with God every day.  How confident and satisfied are you with how your body is feeling, supporting you, and allowing you to thrive every day?

Pick 3-5 positive changes/habits each month and stick to them

Now you can start thinking of ways to create more balance and health in each area of your life. Creating a healthier and more balanced life should not be overwhelming. You should be getting away from overwhelm, not adding more!

After you’ve written your inventory of each area in your life, look at the areas that stand out to you. Which needs or shortcomings are most urgent or important to address? Which of these impact your life the most?

Think about the easy but impactful changes you can make to the way you live, and how others can support you to do so.  By picking only between 3 and 5, this makes it easier to alter them or adapt them into your life, and change your schedule so they fit in, while repetition allows them to become habits over time.

Look at diet and supplementation to support your mood

Often, the underlying cause of anger, anxiety, and irritability could be dietary or even symptoms of illness, or emotional dysregulation.

If your symptoms are so serious that they are compromising your ability to cope, it is very important that you get a thorough examination by a qualified professional such as a physician or psychologist, to assess whether the underlying cause may need treatment or specialized care.

Some ways that you can start managing these symptoms naturally, besides specialized care or medical protocols:

  • Adaptogenic herbs (to reduce the effect of stress): Maca Root, Panax Ginseng, Holy Basil (Tulsi)
  • Certain vitamins and minerals: Tryptophan, 5-HTP, Vitamin C, Magnesium, Vitamin D, Vitamin B9, Vitamin B9, Omega 3
  • Boosting your intake of foods that support and improve gut health: Probiotics – fermented Sauerkraut, Beet Kvass, fullcream plain Yoghurt with Live Active Cultures, Milk Kefir; Prebiotics – raw Garlic, raw or cooked Onion, under-ripe Bananas, raw Asparagus

There may be other dietary changes which could be made, such as limiting sugar and processed foods, depending on your lifestyle and eating habits. I invite you to chat with me (no strings attached), to assess what these could be. Book your free Wellness Assessment HERE

Connect with a kingdom purpose and calling

Did you know that every one of us has a kingdom (from God and for God) purpose and calling, wherever we find ourselves?

God doesn’t only use Clergymen, Counselors, or Spiritual teachers/mentors to shepherd and help people in impactful ways.

You as a mother, have one of the most important callings for His kingdom. You have been called to shepherd and guide a young soul, so they can navigate this dark and confusing world while remaining faithful to Him and trusting in Him.

Every single day you have multiple opportunities through which you can teach your child about their identity in Christ, and how they can live and love like Him.

But your purpose and calling do not end in royal motherhood.  Your gifts, character, interests, and passions all offer you many ways to connect with other people and serve them every day.

For me personally, the biggest change that freed me from anxiety, constantly up and down moods, and not feeling adequate or good enough for anyone, was finding and believing the truth about my purpose and calling in this life. Once I started stepping into what I felt God was calling me to do for others and with others, I began experiencing a joy, fulfillment, and passion, unlike anything I’ve felt before.

But don’t worry, you don’t need to figure this out on your own. God WANTS to guide you.

If you are open to humbly and trustfully receiving His guidance and redirection, He will unveil a journey to a career, hobby, charity, project, business, or other platforms, through which He wants to use everything that is special and unique about you, to help others and draw them to Him.


 

I hope and pray that these tips have given you some ideas that you can start working on today, to create a more joyful and fun life for yourself, and your family.

If you liked this article, share with me below – what emotional/spiritual need is most unfulfilled for you right now?

4 Comments

  1. Jana
    31st July 2018

    Right now. My biggest emotional need is feeling comfortable in my own skin. It’s more health related, but it has an emotional/spiritual toll too.

    Reply
    1. Christine van Tonder
      1st August 2018

      Hi Jana! Yes absolutely, not feeling comfortable in your own skin can affect your emotional and spiritual health. On the other side of the coin, when you consistently and intentionally work on your emotional and spiritual health, this can eventually be fulfilled, and even better, you will find joy and confidence in other much greater needs being fulfilled xxx

      Reply
  2. Glorie Ann
    2nd August 2018

    I love this, “But your purpose and calling do not end in royal motherhood.”!
    I think the third tip is what I need to work on now. In Ghana here, the herbs you mentioned are rare.
    So I’d ask one of the health professionals here about herbs that gives similar benefits to the ones you suggested here.
    Thanks so much for this!

    Reply
    1. Christine van Tonder
      6th August 2018

      Thank you for reading Glorie. I am so glad that you liked this article and that it gave you some ideas to try out. Almost every culture still living in their native region has their own herbs and remedies for certain ailments, I am sure you’d be able to find at least one alternative which is easily accessible where you live. The natural remedies which are most easy to find information on are those which have been tested in scientific studies to determine the benefits, side-effects, and possible interactions with pre-existing conditions or medication. Let me know if you need help pinpointing an alternative, I will see what I can do to help you out.

      Reply

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